Sunday, March 7, 2010

Mountain top guru

There are many roles out there that I think I could really pull off quite well: action movie star, world ruler, billionaire, Ninja Warrior competitor (tv show ninja warrior, though I feel I could pull off a pretty good ninja too), Indiana Jones type of archaeologist, and the list goes on. High up on that list though, of things I was pretty much born to do, is to be a mountain top guru.
Step one to becoming a mountain top guru: select a mountain. I've got this one picked out. It's a pretty sturdy mountain, nice view, and it's a solitary peak so you don't have problems with guru neighbors, which can always be quite the hassle. I feel pretty good about it.

The life of a mountain guru is simple. You sit on the top of a mountain, ponder life's mysteries, and give advice to those that come seeking it. It's a nice, simple way of life, and who doesn't want a straightforward life? I can sit, I can ponder, and I am always more than willing to give people advice that they need...I really am made for this. Here's how I imagine it would go.

Step two is also very important, and many gurus overlook it. You need to select a comfy chair. I mean, the job has a lot of sitting involved, and even when you're doing all that pondering, you're still typically sitting. A nice, comfy chair is a must for that, and if there's a foot rest with it too, all the better.

There I would be, sitting peacefully on the mountain top (I'd have a full beard, as I understand that to be important to mountain gurus), and a poor, tired soul would come, dragging themselves up the last leg of the mountain hike. After catching their breath, they would look at me, tears in their eyes, and tell me their life story. They would tell me of how hard they tried at everything in their life, and yet, things haven't really seemed to pan out. They would ask me, desperation in their voice, "Why can't I succeed?". I would look back at them, with my cool, sagely stare, wisdom clearly shining through my eyes, and I would comfort them, saying "Friend, there are different kinds of people in this life. There are some people that don't, and there are some people that can't. You just can't." Their eyes would light up, as they pondered my sage words and realized, it's not that they aren't giving it their best, it's that their best isn't good enough. They weren't failing because they didn't try hard enough, they were failing solely because they simply were unable to do it. They didn't lack effort, they lacked ability. A weight would be taken from their hearts, and clouds would disperse from their mind, and the trip back down the mountain would drift by like a dream. Yup...I really think I would be a good mountain top guru. If it weren't for the fact that I get it for free whenever I want, I would definitely crawl on my hands and knees over jagged rocks, climbing perilous cliffs, and wading through 10 feet of snow, just to be able to listen to my advice.

6 comments:

Elizabeth Downie said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that you'd be fired from being a mountain top guru within a month. Then you could find your one true calling, squirrel whisperer.

Kristin M. Bates said...

Mountain Top Guru for sure. I especially like how the person was so excited to find out they just aren't good enough.. I would rejoice at that news too...

Dan Ritter said...

Well, I am glad to know the dream hasn't died. In fact, I am surprised you didn't settle on "Guruing" as your major instead of Chemical Engineering that fateful week of freshman year. I suspect it is all Bill's fault that your dream has been deferred this long...

Kristi said...

Here's the problems I forsee in this plan... Number 1. I really doubt that you could make it to the mountaintop. I mean, I've been hiking with you before and I'm always having to help you cross rivers and climb short hills and things like that. Making it to the mountaintop? I'm not seeing it as a possibility. Number 2. I'm doubting that anyone else is going to be willing to cross gorges of death and climb rock faces to get your advice. While some people may have weak moments where they forget how truly inane your advice is and take the small effort required to push the button on a phone and call to get your advice, I doubt that a desire for your advice would draw them up the mountaintop. :) Nice post though... thanks for making me laugh when I'm supposed to be working..

Dan Ritter said...

Sorry, I was wrong...Kristi is definitely the dream killer...should've known.

Hayley said...

hmmm, i can definitely see this as a possibility for you...